Che Guevara’s Diet
by Alex Galper
THE way Guevara attempted to put Latin America on fire of revolution
I try to shed some pounds,
Che counted every bullet before landing in Venezuela,
I count every damn calorie.
he fought his way out of the jungles,
I’ve battled third day in a row
my bloody war with creamy donuts.
Guevara ran surrounded
I’m encircled by blueberry cheesecakes.
it is everywhere,
at work, home, guests’
bad capitalist cheesecakes!
like Guevara was ambushed and captured,
I absolutely coincidentally entered a bakery,
bold revolutionary hollowed:
”you can’t kill me!
I’m the very Che Guevara himself!” and I screamed:
”you can’t sell me this, this and that one!
I should fly after girls,
and not roll like a wheel.”
too bad, execution’s squad’s eyes are emotionless,
and tough honey cake and pitiless cream-Brule
are deaf to great romantic plans
and bee-bullets fly out of the bee-house of rifles,
and Che falls down in nameless pit of Eternal Life
and progressive humanity breaks down in tears,
and weak Galper falls into bed,
snoring, unable to move a finger,
and the Ideal of Womanhood departs cursing and untouched.
Alex Galper came to America completely drunk at the tender age of 19, already completely screwed-up. He graduated from Brooklyn College, majoring in Creative Writing. His GPA was 2.000021 He almost didn’t make it. He sold plumbing supplies, drove a cab, and bounced around Midwest. All this time, he kept writing poetry in Russian and looked for translators. The problem was that when he wasn’t happy with the translation, he would just shoot the bastard who misinterpreted his text. Needless to say, he run out of tranlslators. Currently, he works as a social worker with drug addicts and alcogolics. He hates them but hey, job is a job, it beats living under the bridge anytime of the day. In 2011, he spend some time in UK deportation prison, for reading poetry in UK without proper authorization. That really pissed him off. For the last couple of years, he had been playing crazy Russian supers and ruthless Eastern-European mobsters in independent film productions.