Inescapable Eventualities

A poem
by Ryan Hardgrove
when you feel dead inside
you are sure the rest
of the world
feels it too
how could they not?
but they don’t feel it
they feel their own
individual inescapable existence
and nothing else
we all do
and we all
push on, ebb with the rotations
we roll over in bed
and scratch our balls
we catch the bus
and worry about things
that only our species can
all while avoiding
as much poison thought
as possible
looking for our next dose
of happiness
we all reach
for feelings
that aren’t always there
there’s an empty place holder
a mold resting in the plasma
but you are only fucked
if you allow the anger to grow
let the frustration build
inside of you
let it grow in secret
until the thought of it
is a waste of time
and it can be evacuated
but sometimes
I can barely breathe
caught underneath it all
all of it
all of this
it is so much
and we waste all of our golden minutes
on nothing
on uncontrollable eventualities
on the vain ponderings
of the human being
what a waste
I do it so much
I waste so much god damn time
worrying about the un-worriable
losing to my mind everyday
my soul has lost
to my mind everyday
for the last 30 years
with the occasional
beautiful moment
that I don’t write down
or tell someone about
or post online
for my other peers
to go, mmm, ohhh
thumbs up
my mind owns me
uses me
extracts what it wants
it’s easy to get swept out
by the collective tide
it pulls us away from
the center
away from the whole
it rips us apart
and we let it
Ryan Hardgrove is a human being, a father, a gardener, and a derelict. His writing is only a by-product of living. That is not to say living isn’t difficult. It is.

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Scott Thomas Outlar hosts the site where links to his published poetry, fiction, essays, interviews, reviews, and books can be found. He is a Best of the Net and three-time Pushcart Prize nominee. Scott's poetry books include: Songs of a Dissident (Transcendent Zero Press, 2015), Chaos Songs (Weasel Press, 2016), Happy Hour Hallelujah (CTU Publishing, 2016), and Poison in Paradise (Alien Buddha Press, 2017). Scott is a member of The Southern Collective Experience; he also serves as an editor for Walking Is Still Honest Press, The Blue Mountain Review, The Peregrine Muse, and Novelmasters.

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