Soul’s Tainted Security

Lascivious Grace
by Curtis Whitecarroll


The art of growing up is teaching your skin to become a mask factory
All the orifices stuffed with paper, tainted with vulgar poetry

My transgression is to pretend a part of me is still innocent
calling back to my own instinct, be as dead as a statue


Some nights, I am left in moods
I thought I have left behind ,
guilty feelings over my wife
mopping up the mess
of my self-evisceration

I remember as a child I would feel
bad for standing outside
obstructing sunlight from
a boy shaped patch of grass

now, in my mid-thirties,
a part of me still has not
grown secure,

wanting to stay quiet
about wounds, who
still sometimes
feels the echoes

of being told
how worthless I am,
at nine after
harvesting a whole
onion field by hand,

or the times younger

left with the responsibilities
of alleged adults,
the pedophile who hated
his life and fatherhood,

or the mentally ill woman
who would’t get off the couch
to do anything except kill
my pets in front of me
when I was behind on chores

they are the ones who called
themselves farmers

and they have left seeds
which I have tried pulling
out of my bones,
but you always look insane
when trying to circumvent
your own skin

sometimes at night,
I can feel a bumper crop
coming on


Because I love to be not loved

they will ask me what my damage is

and I will say impiety is a comfort

when one was raised with grace used as a weapon

my future is a success if others fail to make sense of me


I learned what innocence is,
birth throws us into a world
gentle and illiterate,

we age, hording weaponry
our skin turns to armor
by reading sharp edges,

this is a world of broken glass streets
every human soul a bottle ready
to fall off its shelf


Curtis Whitecarroll lives in Portland Oregon as he has for the last 13 years.
He is a poet, published in many various magazines. He is most proud of being the host and producer of Ink Noise , and other readings around town , devoted to giving young poets their start in live readings and publishing.


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I am a dreamer, as well as a doer, who lives in the North Georgia mountains. I started my publishing journey August of 2013, have had moderate success, but my utmost passion is my "daytime" job, which is working with adults who are constantly striving to better their lives as they obtain the GED credential.

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